The Wolf Siren Page 15

  “What?” Clearly shocked, she recoiled. “You...you killed them?”

  “I didn’t, not personally. I was one of the ones who refused. I was put on furlough while they considered whether or not to put me up for court-marshal.”

  To his disbelief, she came close and put her small hand on his arm. “Thank you,” she said, confusing him.

  “For what? I wrestled with my conscience back then. I respect the Society of Pack Protectors. I believe in them, always have, even then. You don’t know how closely I came to blindly following orders.”

  “But you didn’t.” Her dulcet voice hummed with pleasure. “Because you’re not that kind of man.”

  In the end, he hadn’t been. He and many others had refused to brutally slaughter the Ferals. Some had been mentally ill and were able to get help. Others...they’d preferred to live in the wild, outside the radar. As long as they weren’t a danger to others, the new directive had been to let them be.

  “Thank you,” she said, pressing a soft kiss against his throat.

  At the gesture, desire flared, thickening his blood and his body. He half turned, aching to capture her mouth with his. But when he saw the tears trembling on the edge of her eyelashes, he managed to rein himself in.

  “What’s wrong?” Gruff voiced, he pulled her in for a platonic hug, angling his body so she wouldn’t feel the strength of his need for her.

  “I can’t stop thinking of all the ones who lost their lives.” Her voice caught. “I wonder if they suffered, the way we suffered at Sanctuary.”

  “We?” He watched her closely. One of the things he and her brother, Lucas, had wondered had been how much Lilly had known about the others. She hadn’t been the only Shifter Jacob Gideon had captured for his barbaric practices. He’d been taking children, apparently believing their young spirits would be easy to bend to his will.

  But she shook her head and wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand. “Enough of this talk,” she declared.

  “Agreed. We circled around what I originally wanted to talk to you about.”

  Her quick nod told him she was completely aware of that.

  “You need to change.”

  She sighed. “You never give up, do you?”

  “Not when it comes to keeping you safe and healthy.”

  Head down, she didn’t immediately reply. When she lifted her head, the stark agony in her face made his breath catch in his throat.

  “I’m a monster.”

  Once again he pulled her close, smoothing her hair and wishing he knew the best way to reassure her. “You’re not. That’s Jacob Gideon’s brainwashing speaking. We’re Shape-shifters. Humans and wolves. Not monsters.”

  “Maybe you are.” Leaning back, she looked up into his eyes and shook her head. “But not me. I’m not normal.”

  He knew he had to try a different tack. “How do you know? Have you actually seen yourself, like in a mirror?”

  “No.” Briefly, she closed her eyes. “You don’t understand, Kane. They had me change once, there in the lab. I must have blacked out because I don’t remember anything about what happened. But when I changed into a human again, one of their doctors and two lab technicians were dead. The carnage was unbelievable.”

  “How do you know it was you who killed them?”

  Mouth twisting, she waved his question away. “Who else? Those that survived, they saw. Somehow, they’d managed to get me chained up.”

  “So you took their word for it? How do you know they didn’t stage this, to make you think it was you?”

  An utterly flat and lifeless look came into her eyes. “Because, Kane. Because when I came to, chained and shackled to that damn laboratory table, I was covered in blood.”

  He didn’t know what to say. He supposed, given time, he could come up with dozens of reasonable explanations, other arguments, but not now, not at this instant. Instead, he held her, aching and wishing he could discover a way to help her find herself.

  Only then, could the healing begin.

  “How about this?” He kept his voice level, as if what he was about to ask was perfectly logical and reasonable. “How about I help you change?”

  “Are you crazy?” Chest heaving, she shook her head. “There’s no way. I couldn’t risk it. What if I hurt you?”

  “You won’t. Your beast is fighting you. I’ve seen it several times. Wouldn’t it be much better—and safer—to manage the time and place of the change, rather than simply let your wolf self wrest control?”

  While she appeared unconvinced, at least she still listened.

  “Plus, once you let your wolf out, allow him to hunt and run and just be, he’ll be sated and quiet. You’ll get a much needed rest from constantly battling him.”

  This appealed to her, he could tell. She swallowed, quietly considering. “Maybe,” she finally conceded, making him feel as if he’d won a huge victory. “If there were safeguards in place to ensure no harm would come to others.”

  “When?” Now that she’d agreed, he knew he had to keep pushing, or she’d overthink things and refuse.

  “I don’t know.” She shot him a cross look. “Not right now.”

  “Why not?” he persisted. “The timing couldn’t be any more perfect. It’s the middle of the night, no one else is around, and the weather is comfortable.”

  Her eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes. In fact, there are a couple of caves up on some cliffs about a half mile away. We can go there.”

  Biting her lip, she swallowed. “Do you have chains or rope?”

  “What for?”

  “Restraints.” Her chin came up. “You’ve got to make sure I’m restrained, tied up. Otherwise, once I give that monster full rein, he could go after you or your family.”

  Though he felt 99 percent convinced that the monster part was a product of the intensive conditioning she’d received and thus, all in her mind, he nodded. “I have rope. Though I’m not sure I like the idea of tying you up.”

  Her chin came up. “That’s the only way I’ll agree to this.”

  “Then rope it is. I have some in the trunk of my Vette.” He took her arm. “You can come with me and get it.”

  Despite his gentle prodding, she still didn’t move. When she looked up and met his gaze, the stark terror in her eyes made his heart ache. “It’s going to be all right,” he said. “I promise.”

  “I’m not sure I can do this.” But this time, when he took a step toward the door, she moved with him.

  Outside, he kept her close while he retrieved the rope from his trunk. Doing this made him feel vaguely criminal, and also vaguely kinky, like they were going into the woods for a bit of S and M.

  Pushing away these thoughts, along with his own misgivings, he took her hand firmly in his and, using a small flashlight, led her unerringly along a path, past the small grove where he and his brothers often went to change, and up a rocky hill.

  “Here we are,” he said, trying to sound as normal as possible. “Check out these caves. Bats live there during the day, but they’re out hunting right now.”

  She tugged her hand free. “Let me borrow your flashlight.” Once he handed it to her, she turned a slow circle, shining the light into the mouth of the nearest cave. Next, she began walking, appearing to study the surrounding trees. “This one,” she finally said, indicating a sturdy oak.

  At first he wasn’t sure what she meant. Then, glancing down at the rope in his hands, he understood. She wanted him to tie her to that tree.

  Though he’d sort of promised, he still had to try to dissuade her. “Lilly, I really think—”

  “No.” Voice sharp, she cut him off. “That’s a deal-breaker. Either I’m tied up, or I don’t change.”

  Again he looked down at the rope. “But how? If I tie you up when you’re human, when you’re body becomes a wolf, the ropes will simply fall off.”

  “Not if you tied it around my neck.”

  Horrified, he started to protest. This
time, she held up her hand to stop him, as if she already knew what he would say.

  “It’s no worse than a dog on a leash.” Though she tried to sound nonchalant, the waver in her voice let him know how she really felt. Still absolutely terrified.

  He wanted to reassure her, but knew there were no words capable of doing that, so he kept his silence.

  “Give me that.” Taking the rope out of his hands, she looped it around her neck. He was relieved to see she didn’t make the type of collar that would choke her. Instead, she tied off a circle, just loose enough to accommodate the neck of a wolf, knotting it securely before handing the rope back to him.

  “Tie it to that tree, please,” she said. “And make sure you get a couple of good knots.”

  For some reason, seeing that rough rope around the creamy skin of her delicate neck, he couldn’t make his feet move.

  Then she tugged on the rope. “Kane? If you want to do this, please get that rope tied up before I completely lose my nerve. I think I’m pretty strong once I become—” she swallowed hard “—the other thing.”

  This galvanized him into action. “It’s called a wolf, Lilly,” he chided her with a teasing smile in the hopes of reassuring her.

  Taking the rope, he wrapped it around the tree and made sure to leave her enough room to move around before tying a secure knot. He hated the idea of confining her wolf but knew this was necessary this first time, until she could see there was nothing to be afraid of.

  It did cross his mind to wonder, briefly, what would happen if she was right and the horrible experiments and torture she’d endured had somehow harmed her wolf self.

  He’d deal with that if it happened. He’d consult the Pack Healer, Samantha. For right now, he didn’t need any negative thoughts. He had to believe this would work. He didn’t know what he’d do if it didn’t.

  After she’d inspected the rope and was satisfied, she wiped her hands on the front of her jean shorts and faced him. “What now?”

  “With my family, we strip, drop to the ground and shape-shift.”

  “Strip?” Her question came out a nervous squeak. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  “If you don’t, you’ll rip your clothes.” He tried to move past the searing image of her naked. “Would you rather I changed first? That way I’ll be wolf before you have to undress.”

  Exhaling loudly, she nodded. “Yes, thank you. You change to wolf, and then...I will, too.”

  Though he could scarcely see her in the shadowed forest, he could hear the sincerity in her shaky voice.

  “I won’t let anything happen to you, Lilly,” he promised. “Trust me on that.”

  Chapter 11

  Though terror had Lilly shaking so hard she could hardly keep her teeth from chattering, she was still curious to see Kane shape-shift into a wolf.

  She held her breath, trying not to stare as he removed first his T-shirt, then his khaki shorts. He showed no embarrassment as he stood before her clad in nothing but boxer shorts, but then why should he? The man had the kind of broad-shouldered, narrow-waisted body seen only in athletes and movie stars. His muscles rippled in the partial moonlight as he moved with a nonchalant grace a few feet away.

  Slowly, as she watched, he stripped off his last scrap of clothing, making her mouth go dry. Then, while she unabashedly stared, he dropped to the ground on all four legs and began the change.

  She held her breath. Not since she and her brother had shape-shifted as teens had she witnessed another person change into a wolf. Fascinated, she grimaced as his bones began to lengthen. A myriad of bright floating sparkles appeared around him, bathing him in a flickering glow.

  She moved a tiny bit closer. Though the flickering lights were beautiful, she needed to see past them to Kane. But the swirl of colors was so thick, it was impossible to see. Still, she tried. As if her thoughts had become movement, the sparkles vanished. Lilly gasped out loud. A huge wolf stood where Kane had been.

  The majestic black-coated beast padded toward her. Instinctively, she moved back. When she did, the wolf paused, lifting one large paw and cocking his head inquisitively.

  Kane. This was Kane. She made herself move closer, her heart trip-hammering in her chest. Kane. Just Kane.

  Finally, just a foot away, she stopped, reaching out with a tentative movement and tangling her fingers in the luxurious black fur. He allowed this, holding himself with a regal bearing that so much reminded her of the human Kane, she nearly laughed out loud.

  Wolf Kane made a sound, a cross between a bark and a growl. Somehow she understood. He was merely reminding her that her turn had come to shape-shift.

  Panic rose like bile in her throat, choking her so badly she almost clawed at the rope around her neck, wanting it off. No, that wasn’t really her, it had to be the monster inside her, trying to trick her into doing something foolish and setting it loose.

  At the thought, the knowledge of what she was about to attempt, her beast broke free. This time, the change easily overpowered her human will, though maybe this was because she had already anticipated this and permitted it to happen.

  Battling to slow the change down for a few seconds, she ripped off her clothes and, imitating Kane, dropped to the ground. Just in time, for the instant she dug her nails into the damp forest dirt, the change initiated in earnest.

  Ahh! It hurt. Was it supposed to hurt so much?

  As her bones lengthened, she tried to look for the same sparkling light show as Kane’s, but the pain became too intense for her to do anything but try to keep it from overwhelming her.

  Gradually, the agony subsided and she rose up, wondering what kind of thing she’d become. Sniffing her furred leg, she smelled her own scent, which her brain told her was wolf, like Kane.

  Even better, she felt like herself, in full possession of her facilities. Not crazy. Not full of a murderous rage. With pleasure, she sniffed the dead leaves and earth underneath her, amazed at the myriad of smells. Her lupine nose had her human one beat.

  She sat. Glancing down at her belly, she believed she had become a wolf. Not distorted or twisted, but a true wolf, similar to Kane, though much less massive. Her soft gray fur glowed in the shadowy light. Pleased, she thought it kind of pretty.

  Kane made a chuffing sound, drawing her attention. Full of joy, she looked up, caught sight of him, and then tried to rush toward him.

  When she reached the end of her rope, the resulting tug jerked her off her feet. A yelp escaped her. Stunned, she staggered back to her feet, neck burning.

  Kane shook his massive head and lay down. Again the firefly lights arrived, and then human Kane had returned. He padded over to her, his fingers working at the knots. A few minutes later, he’d managed to untie her.

  As soon as he had, he went back to his spot, got down again on all fours and shape-shifted back into a wolf while she waited.

  Barely able to contain her excitement, the instant he had regained his wolf shape, she rushed him, bowing playfully before nipping him on the hindquarters and running off.

  They chased each other, rolling and play biting. He tore off through the woods and she followed.

  When he slid to an abrupt stop, she plowed into him. Shaking her off, he nudged her, making her turn. The sliver of moon shone in a small pond, the still water peaceful.

  He nudged her again, as though trying to make her understand. As she edged forward, she realized the pond made a pretty darn good mirror. Standing at the edge, if she leaned her neck out, she could see herself pretty clearly.

  A wolf. Stunned, she looked again. She couldn’t believe it. When she looked in the water, a pretty silver wolf looked back at her. She’d become a wolf. Exactly like she was supposed to. Nothing more, nothing less. No monster. No rage-filled killing machine. Which meant they’d either lied to her, or injected her with something to bring on hallucinations and madness.

  Though either scenario was possible, she’d put money on the second.

  But what about the deaths
? She’d seen the blood and the bodies with her own two eyes. Had it all been staged? Or had someone else done the killing and made it appear as though it had been her?

  Kane nudged her, his plumed tail high over his back. Then he took off running, appearing as if he was laughing over his shoulder at her.

  For one frozen second, she stood, uncertain. Finally, her heart light, she took off after him, giving chase.

  They ran and ran and then, tongues lolling, they rested. Finally, stealing into the nighttime forest, they hunted.

  By the time they returned to the clearing, the sky had begun to lighten, signaling dawn would soon arrive. Sated and more relaxed than she’d felt...well, since she’d been fifteen, Lilly lay belly down on the damp forest floor. Next to her, the beautiful black wolf that was Kane watched her through golden wolf eyes.

  This time, though she longed to remain a wolf a little longer, she initiated the change first. To her surprise, her wolf acquiesced readily. This time, the shift back to human wasn’t painful. Instead, her body welcomed it.

  Once she could see normally again, she blinked, automatically looking for Kane. While she was becoming human, he’d changed, too. Naked, he lay propped on one elbow and watched her.

  “Welcome back.” The sound of his husky voice sent a shudder of heat straight to her center. “Did you enjoy yourself?”

  Mouth dry, she could only nod. Her entire body ached for his touch and she had to fight not to crawl over and climb on top of him.

  “I...um.” Licking her lips, she closed her eyes, hoping to blot out the temptation of his gorgeously naked body.

  To her shock, he laughed. The masculine sound only served to make her want him more. Desire was foreign to her, something she’d never thought she’d feel since while at Sanctuary she’d not only been tortured and experimented on, but raped, as well.

  This...feeling seemed about as far from that as her wolf did from the monster she’d pictured.

  “I forgot to warn you,” he said, as she kept her eyes screwed shut. “Most Shifters are used to it, but for whatever reason, changing back to human form makes us horny.”